


Music Therapy

by iamthatfriend



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Drug Abuse, M/M, Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Character, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-04-04 18:00:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4147443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamthatfriend/pseuds/iamthatfriend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael Jones is the star line-backer for his High School's Varsity Team. "Is" becomes "was" when he is suspended from school for starting a fight in the middle of a game that was to determine whether or not his team would make the playoffs. In comes Michael's mother, who fears her son is going down a dark path of anger and violence, signs him up for voice lessons in hopes that it will give him some peace of mind. His vocal coach is some British bloke named Gavin Free. Very confused about how beating up some kid (who honestly was the one who started it, but no one cares about that when they hear Michael was the one to throw the first hit), lead to voice lessons... His mother replies, "Think of it as a sort of music therapy." Leaving Michael with no choice but to just roll with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter was beta'd by my bestie. His AO3 account is- Penrose

 

**Chapter 1-**

           Michael was taken aback by the suggestion. But with his mother being into the “alternate methods of healing” and “being one with your spirit” he wasn’t all that shocked when she told him that he was to start taking vocal lessons. As someone who was just recently taken off the varsity team due to violent outbursts in the middle of the game, and already in counseling for his anger issues his mother was pulling at invisible strings to help her son find peace of mind.

           Well to be honest, Michael found her way of thinking to be complete and utter bullshit. The world was just as fucked up as he was. His mother just closed herself in an invisible bubble, not “broadened her mind”. She was just as dumb, if not dumber than everyone else for thinking they could escape the hellish conditions this world had to offer. Despite his ill thoughts, he took it easy on her. Michael was a man of respect, and as someone who demanded to be respected, he knew he had to deal it back to the others he wanted it from.

           And he knew his mother thought the world of him. So in return, he decided to subside his anger the best he could when she was around. That didn’t stop the flabbergasted phone calls from the principal, school counselor, or his football coach multiple times in the same week. Michael has been sent home early, suspended, expelled… you name it. He was a junior now, and had switched schools three times due to “behavioral issues”. He had been on such a clean record for the last six months, and was even written about in the school paper as the star defensive linebacker. His bipolar medication put his tantrums at bay, but during a game that would determine if their team would make it to the playoffs, everything took a turn for the worst.

They were ahead by a landslide, and Michael had just scored them another touchdown in the third quarter. That’s when the offensive player on the other team got in his face. He uttered just one word that caused Michael to start a beat down of a lifetime.

           He never told anyone why he attacked the guy. Because Michael was a smartass, he decided to say it was because he didn’t like his face. Which ended up being a terrible thing to say in the current situation, since when news traveled back to the other school, he was suddenly in trouble for a hate crime for beating up the Hispanic kid... who had called him a fag first. Michael didn’t flaunt himself or anything too drastic. But he certainly wasn’t in the closet either. Michael had slapped a pride sticker onto his helmet, so everyone would know it was the flaming homo that just pummeled their ass into the dirt.

           This new school he was attending was very accepting of him, so he was definitely angry when he was not only kicked off his team, but suspended for two weeks. Michael wasn’t worried about his grades. He was an exceptional student regardless of his anger issues, and he was out of school rather frequently because of it.

           So when he, his brother, and mother sat over dinner, he had to endure the awkward silence until his brother excused himself. His mother was good about that, not making a fuss in front of others. She had learned it was easiest to have Michael’s full attention when it was just them. In other words, Michael was more cooperative when he didn’t have a herd of adults bombarding him.

           “Why did you have to say you didn’t like his face?” his mother asked as she was gathering the dishes off the table. Michael helped by putting away the leftovers on the stove.

           “Do you think I didn’t mean it? That bitch ass had a donkey’s hairy cock for a fucking nose.” Michael said defensively.

           “I know by now you don’t hit somebody for a reason like appearances. I know of all people that you hate when people judge others in that matter. So drop the tough guy act right now.” She scolded, and he sighed.

           “He called me faggot.” Michael told her, and she shook her head.

           “God damn it.” She said setting down the dishes into the sink. “Michael. You son-of-a-mother-who-raised-you-better-than-this! What did I tell you about taking this shit into your own hands?” she questioned, crossing her arms. “You don’t need to go all tough guy on him just because he thinks he’s better than you. You don’t need to prove anything to that boy.”

           Michael inhaled sharply. “So what do I do then? I fucking cry to coach about it? What’s he gonna do, huh? Talk to his coach who is probably as equally homophobic? Mom. I’m not going to fucking let ANYBODY call me that without leaving the situation wishing they hadn’t.”

           His mother pulled him into an aggressive hug, and then maneuvers until she has her son in a headlock.

           “No son of mine,” she grunted, as she began to give him a noogie, “is going to ignore what their momma tells ‘em.”

           “Holy shit, Mom. Are you fucking serious?!” he hollered, laughing under his breath despite himself.

           “No son of mine!” she chanted swaying her hip so that it bucked against his side. “Say it with me, Michael! No son of mine!”

           “Jesus Christ I’m not going to fuckin’—”

           “NO SON OF MINE IS GONNA IGNORE WHAT MOMMA TELLS ‘EM,” she sang over him, and Michael wailed helplessly when her saliva-ridden finger went into his ear drum.

           “A fucking wet willie? I should call social services on your ass!” he shouted, and she just cackled madly as she continued to hold him in the half nelson.

           “You gotta sing it Michael.” She declared.

           “I’m-Not-Gonna-Fucking-Sing-Your-Stupid-Song-Please-Let-Me-Go” he said all in one breath, but she wasn’t letting up. And even though he had the muscle power to swap the roles he didn’t dare go against her conviction.

           “Next you’re getting a wedgie, punk,” she warned. “You have ten seconds.”

          “You wouldn’t.” Michael retorted.

          “Ten.”

          “Nine.”

“Eight.”

“Seven.”

“Six.”

“Alright, Alright!” Michael panted giving in.

           “Five—”

          “No Son of Yours Is Gonna Ignore What His Momma Tells Him dowapdowapdowap!” Michael sang, and when he was released he stretched out his back.

He flinched when his mother faked him out by acting like she was going to grab him again. She then socked him in the shoulder twice. “Two for flinching, punk.”

“Ah. Christ, Ma,” he rubbed his arm subtly and takes in a deep breath. “I’m sorry I got pissed. I just…” his voice trailed away. “It was the first fight in over six months. I just been holding back so long I think I snapped. I’m a ticking time bomb. I’m gonna blow. It’s inevitable.”

           “I don’t believe that for a second, Michael,” she insisted. “You work hard, and you care so deeply for the people around you. You can’t let that negative energy other people subject on to you take you off balance.”

           And there it was. The talk about energy, and balance… it got to him. He knew his mother meant well. So far, she was the closest one to understanding the rhythm of Michael’s unsettling heartbeat. She knew exactly how to pull him out of his rage. She raised him, it was a matter of survival learning how to understand him. That’s how he saw it at least. He was obligated to be forever indebted to her for giving it her absolute best.

           He sunk his elbows onto the kitchen counter, readying himself for her newest revelation. Counseling was one of the first revelations. Someone to vent out the negative energy. The next, football. “Channel your energy into something positive”. Now all he had to do was cross his fingers that the words “military school” weren’t about to be spoken.

           “I promise. I’ll do better,” Michael urged. “I mean, at least I didn’t send this one to the hospital.” But his joke definitely fell flat. His mother had a very serious look in her eyes, but he had to keep himself from exploding at her. Even if she didn’t understand why, he couldn’t be angry with her for that. Then he would be in the wrong for real.

           “Voice Lessons,” she told him. “I didn’t have you sing for me just now for no good reason. And from what I heard it definitely couldn’t hurt.” When he saw the devious smile on her face he had to do everything in his power not to lash out right then. “I have a teacher lined up for you. Think of it as a sort of music therapy.”

           “You’re fucking twisted.” He accused. “You are abusing your power as my parent to punish me.”

           “But sweetheart, this is not a punishment. Music genuinely does heal the soul.” She rests a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t dog it until you try it.”

           “Moooom,” he whined. “Why can’t you just ground me like a normal parent?”

           “Cutting you off from the world and chaining you to your bedroom to think on what you have done is the witch’s pot that brews negative thoughts.”

           “I just don’t get it. How you think wailing someone who called me a fag results into me needing voice lessons?”

           His mom raised an eyebrow at him, and he bowed his head knowing that she was done discussing the matter. Michael sighed, because deep down he knew he had it a lot easier as far as his home life went. He had a mother who accepted him for who he was… One who would go to bizarre, but not uncalled for, extremes to keep him in a healthy state of mind.

\--

His first week on suspension was pretty dull. Keeping up with the class outside of school wasn’t all that hard. It really was all he had to do anyways since anyone he would be talking to were actually in school, no doubt working twice as less than him, and Michael just lounged around in his pajamas all day. He had planned to do that all day Saturday, even though he could actually hang out with his friends then. But he was sort of in the middle of a “fuck everyone” mood since his suspension. So when his mother knocked on his door around noon to remind him he had his first day of voice lessons, he audibly groaned in response.

“They’re at 1:30 so you better get yourself ready!” she called through the door. “And don’t roll your eyes at me boy!”

Michael laughed at that. She really did know him too well.

Another thing Michael found it hard to complain about was the trust he was given besides being the “problem” child of the family. No one ever phrased it that way (at least not to his face), but Michael knew full well he was not an easy person to be responsible for. He found it to be a silent blessing that he was able to drive to these voice lessons on his own without her tagging along. On the way there, he played around with the idea of how easy it would be to ditch these lessons, but then the realization came that his mother had this guy’s contact information. It was a simple as a single text to let her know whether or not he had showed up.

Finally, accepting his fate, he pulled up to the apartment of Gavin Free. He buzzed for 14, and was let up without the person on the other end inquiring who was at the door. It felt a little strange to be having voice lessons at some dude’s apartment. But his mom assured him that this guy was legitimate. Not that he really cared since he didn’t give a single fuck about singing.

He knocked on the door once- almost a second time, but instead it flung open, and he nearly punched the person right in the face. Luckily, he caught himself mid-swing, and was able to awkwardly flop his arm straight down instead.

“Aha! You must be Michael!” the chipper voice greeted.

“I must be,” he muttered back unenthusiastically. “And you’re Mr. Free. My music teach—vocal coach?” Not that it mattered. None of this mattered. It was all just a waste of time.

“Please, call me Gavin!” he insisted, ushering Michael inside.

Michael took a step inside with his hands stuffed in his front pockets as he took in the new environment. A lavish studio apartment with gray industrial walls, but the way Gavin set it up made the room more alive somehow. “Interior designer” would not be two words he would use to describe Gavin. But the place had a certain charm to it.

           “You have a cat,” Michael noted aloud when he notice the lightly colored kitten, with dusty paws dart under the couch at the sight of company.

           “Just got him a week ago. Cheeky little thing,” Gavin said with a warm smile on his face.

           “You don’t say…” Michael’s voice trails away when he laid eyes on his piano. Suddenly a ball of nerves formulated in the pit of his stomach. Nothing serious. But for real, singing in front of a stranger, and not really wanting to in the first place? It was fucking weird. His life was so fucking… weird.

           “Alright Michael. Let’s go over to the piano,” Gavin piped up, breaking him out of his trance. How the hell did he just say his name… Mi-coo?

‘What was that shit…’ He couldn’t help but wonder. When Gavin was seated at the piano bench, he slid over for Michael to sit beside him. A little closer than he expected, but Michael rolled with it. For now.

           “I want to be clear. I have no interest in singing. I’m just here because I wailed on some dude up who couldn’t handle being beaten by a fag,” Michael revealed openly.

           “Well. I can’t say I’ve ever heard that one before,” Gavin replied with a wide smile.

           “So… yeah if I don’t take this seriously, don’t be offended,” Michael went on, and his smile faded.

           “Ah. But Micool. You have to take this seriously. Otherwise your mum won’t like hearing back from me that I wasn’t able to help you. Please let me help. I want to help.” He set his hand on Michael’s leg which made him tense up at the direct contact.

          “Shit, so my mom told you already?!” he yelled defeated.

           “She didn’t tell me what you told me. We actually met a while back, at the uh… I told her I was going to school at the University, so I could be a physical therapist for, like, people who have been in accidents and such. But don’t worry, I have musical experience. I am also minoring in theater. Kept me going in high school, so I figured I wanted to keep at it still. I do voice lessons to sort of help with living costs while being a full time student.”

           Michael blinked, as he realized the segue Gavin went through was to deflect where he had met his mother. “So where was it you said you met my mother?” he asked, not caring about all that other stuff anyway.

           Gavin shifted a little bit. “Well your mom, you know, she’s an occupational therapist. So, she is at the hospital I’m interning at. She’s been real welcoming, and told me loads about you. Thinks we’d get on pretty well… as friends.” He clears his throat. “So I guess we sort of work together.”

           “That’s just fucking great,” Michael groaned, digging his palm into his skull.

           “Please don’t be upset, Michael. She’s only told me nice things! Like, like how you are an honor student. And a star football player! And she thinks very highly of you… Yes she… is a little worried about you. But who doesn’t worry about their children a little?” Gavin nudged him in the side a little. “Give me a chance, Michael. If you really hate it after today, I will talk to your mom and tell her I’m going to be busy with finals or summat. That way she won’t bother you about it.”

           “Nah. I can’t lie to my mom. If I hate this, I’ll just have to endure you until she lets up.” Michael sighed. “Okay so. I hate to ask, but what’s first.”

           “Oh Michael! I am so glad you asked.” Gavin replied, in a sing-song voice that was really laying it on thick. Michael had to refrain from muttering the word ‘prick’ under his breath.

           Don’t feel silly Michael, but I’m going to have you do some weird exercises. First some lip trills.

           Gavin demonstrated every exercise with such enthusiasm that it (honest-to-god) made it a thousand more times difficult to focus. Not to mention how damn handsy he was about fixing Michael’s posture, and pointing out where he wanted Michael to have his sound come from. At one point he had Michael touching his throat so he could feel the vibrations of the sound. Michael did everything he asked despite how weirdly intimate the whole thing was. He tried his best to subside his laughter. Most of it was mimicking the demonstration which Michael found to be easy enough, that was until the end of their time together he was assigned a task. Pick three songs he wanted to work on vocally. Michael tried to insist that Gavin could just pick them, but he dismissed that suggestion immediately.

           “This should be fun for you, Michael. Pick whatever you want, alright?” Gavin encouraged with a small smile. He walked Michael out the door.

“So how often are we doing this?” he asked just realizing his mom never specified.

           “Three times a week.” He mentioned. “So I’ll be seeing you again on Tuesday.”

           Michael nodded doing his best to hide his annoyance about it having to be multiple times a week.

After all, it wasn’t like it was Gavin he was annoyed with. In general the whole situation was bothering him. From being suspended, to being kicked off the varsity team, to having to do this because of his “anger problem”. The thing about Michael is he never took shit out on people who didn’t deserve it. To him, he thought that was normal enough. Adults were rather choosy on who they deemed had problems, and what their punishment should be. No one at that damn school really cared why Michael decided to beat up that guy, and no matter what answer he gave, they were going to suspend him anyway. So, he really just didn’t give a fuck, what they all thought of him.

           Except for the fact he did.

           He cared a lot.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I just wanted to mention that any depiction of any of Michael's family members is entirely fictional, and 'OC's. Completely made up for the story in mind.   
> This chapter was also beta'd by the AO3 user- Penrose. [Thanks bb <3]

**Chapter 2-**

          When he arrived home, his mother was working on having dinner ready. He jumped up on the countertop, taking a good whiff.

           “Mm. Making fuckin’ Philly cheese steak.” He detected happily, and she nodded in response.

           “Why are you so quiet?” he questioned when there was no follow up of ‘so how did the lessons go’ B.S. he was expecting from her.

           “What? No I’m just focusing on cooking,” she replied. Michael realized she looked rather stiff. He hopped off the counter, rubbing her shoulders, figuring she maybe got another phone call from his school.

           “Hey, what is it? You know what, if it was my fucking school calling to say they actually want to expel me then… I’ll just do online school. I’m sorry ma—”

           “It’s not that, it’s not that.” She shrugged up her shoulders, and Michael shifts so he could try to look at her face, but she turned away in reflex.

           “Ma, what the fuck, are you seriously that pissed at me? I did what you fuckin’ asked. I’m going to these ridiculous voice lessons, and you didn’t even care to inform me they were going to be three times a week.” He pressed feeling his anger rising.

           “Michael!” she yelped, “It’s not that honey. Let me just… let me just cook okay?”

           By the way her voice sounded, Michael knew then.

           “Did Dad come by today?” he asked, and she shook her head.

           Michael forcefully reached for his mother’s chin, and turned so he could see the bruise under her eye.

           “Then who the fuck did that to you?” he questioned, dropping his hand from her face immediately.

           “Don’t worry about it,” she spoke, her voice rising to attempt to gain control.

           “Don’t fuckin’ what?” he spat back, his whole body beginning to tremble. “Where is he now? Did you call the police?”

           “I don’t know, and yes I called the police…” Her voice trailed away, letting out a little gasp when Michael began storming up the stairs.

           “Michael! What are you doing? Come back here!” she called after him, but Michael was already in his room, loading his firearm he used for hunting. Well, it wasn’t like he was allowed to keep it here. He had actually taken it from his grandparents basement when he had found out his dad had been released on parole for “good behavior”. He had been hiding it under his bed just in case a situation like this were to occur.

          Within seconds he was running back down the stairs, and she had her arms out. “No stop. Michael. Please.” she spoke her voice shaking.

           Michael moved to step past her, but she moved with him reaching for the gun. He jerked his hand back.

           “I’m gonna fucking kill that son of a bitch.” He stated bluntly. “I’m gonna fucking... Ma move.”

           “Jason!” she yelled, calling for Michael’s brother. “Jason honey! I need you to call the police.”

           Michael laughed maliciously at that. “You’re going to have Jason call the police on me? I’m doing this to protect you.”

           “Michael, please baby, listen to me. This is nothing okay. I’m okay, your brother is okay. The police are handling it,” she insisted, but Michael didn’t believe her.

           Jason’s footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs. “Michael?” his voice echoed. “What are you doing?”             

           “No. They aren’t going to handle it. He’s going to get a slap on the wrist, and then he will be right back here again.” he says fuming, turning to face his brother.

           “He fucking came here right?”

           “Jason please honey go grab the phone,” their mother pleaded.

           “SHUT UP LET HIM FUCKING ANSWER ME.”

           “Michael, don’t yell at her like that,” Jason spoke up.

           “Was he here, Jason?” Michael repeated.

           “Yeah he was, but—”

           “But what?” Michael asked.

           Jason gave a look to his mom that Michael couldn’t decipher.

           “He was going on about how he shouldn’t have to pay her anything, that she was the one who still owed him money for shit... He left when the neighbors started knocking on our door to see if everything was alright.” Jason’s voice trailed away, and Michael’s heart sank.

           While he was still in the middle of processing everything, his mother snatched the gun away from him.

           She then quickly handed over the gun to his brother. “Go get rid of this. Bring it back to your grandparents and tell them they either need to sell it or lock it up better,” she told him. He nodded, and after throwing his coat on, Jason was out the door.

           Michael was left breathing heavily, still trying to wrap his head around it all. She rubbed his shoulder gently, then went back into the kitchen to the food on the stove she neglected. Michael stood rooted to the spot.

           When he found that he was a little bit calmer, he went back into the kitchen.

“You’re not using again are you?”

“Michael, of course I am not,” she responded, making sure to look him dead in the eyes. “Ever since you and your brother been living here again I haven’t even touched methadone… okay? Your father just ran out of people to hassle money for.”

“Mom, did you really call the police?”

           The gaze she had on him before suddenly falters, and she shakes her head.

           “Jesus Christ Ma,” he whispered as she broke down crying.

           After dinner, Michael refused to wait any longer, as he hands her the phone. When the police arrive, they asked her why she didn’t call right away. She said she feared it would escalate the situation into something even worse. She left out the part about Michael almost going after him with a gun. After they took down the full report, they left, telling her to call them even if she so much receives a phone call from him. Michael then resigned into his room for the night.

His vocal lessons had been far forgotten, until that moment when he laid down in his bed. They felt so insignificant now, after everything else that had happened. Even the fact that he was suspended for another week didn’t seem to matter so much anymore either. His life began to feel so small, when he turned to look at his phone.

           His best friend Ray who lived across the street texted him.

‘Yo everything alright. Saw the fuzz head lights in your driveway.’

‘yeah everything is fucking great. My dad decided to swing by today and we had to call the police… but everyone’s ok.’

‘good.good. so when do u get to come back to school?’

‘yeah not til next Monday so ur sorry life’s gonna be boring for bout another week til im back.’

‘well at least I’ve got barb.’

‘yeah… lucky.’

‘ha yea. So… u wanna come over and smoke some hookah?’

‘not tonight im fucking beat. Did I tell u my moms got me going to voice lessons too now?’

‘no shit.’

‘ye fuckin’ three times a week bro’

‘that’s fucking lame as fuck’

‘no shit dude. Im hoping once im back in school it will be forgotten’

‘yea jesus ur mom is fuckin nuts’

‘maybe but at least she has good intentions’

‘yeah…’

           Suddenly, Michael felt done with texting. His energy completely drained by that point, and didn’t have the energy to tell his friend good night.

\--

           By the time Monday night rolled around Michael still hadn’t even thought about any songs he would like to even learn how to sing. Until over dinner when his mom brought it up again.

           “Gavin sent me a text today, asking me to remind you to think of a couple songs to bring in for tomorrow,” she mentioned after a bite of her own homemade Cajun pasta.

           Michael nodded, “Yeah, I was going to look through my iPod and figure it out,” he replied with a shrug. “Shouldn’t be too hard.”

           “You know what I used to catch you singing in middle school,” she brought up with a wide grin. “That Hilary Duff song, about the rain falling down?”

           “Comin’ Clean, mom,” he corrected with a hint of shame in his voice.

           “Yeah that one. You know, I thought you had a crush on her before you came out to me.”

           Michael laughed genuinely at that, “Nah I was totally more into Gordo.”

           “That kid who has the same hair you get when you don’t let me cut it.”

           Michael shook his head, annoyed. “He’s definitely not my type anymore.”

           “What is your type?” she wondered.

           Michael went quiet at that question. He tried to hide his face that was heating up, as an image flashed through his mind. A pair of tattooed hands splayed against his hips.

           “I don’t know. Everyone at my school are fucking idiots,” he answered quickly.

           “You’re good friends with Ray aren’t you?”

           “Yeah, his ass is straight and doesn’t count.” Michael sighed.

           “Okay, okay,” she said, putting her hands up in the air.

           Michael went back to his food, but his eyes kept trailing back to the shiner under her eye. It had puffed out quite a bit over the last couple days.

           “Is it hurting you?” he asked, taking in a slow breath.

           “It’s okay, Michael. I’ve been taking aspirin,” she told him.

           “I’m going to get you some ice,” he offered, standing up despite her protest. As he returned, he pulled his chair closer to where she was sitting, holding the bag of frozen veggies he dug out from the back of the freezer, and held it against her face.

           “I can hold it,” she resigned, bringing a hand to the bag. Michael kept his hand on the bag as well, and met her hand with his.

           As she rested her elbow on the table to keep the bag up, Michael caressed the back of her hand with his thumb.

           He watched her intently as she continued to eat, and he watched as a small smile spread on her face. He studied her face, every wrinkle, and crease. Not that she had many, but for a woman nearing her forties, it was like he could see all the stress she had ever endured, and all the sleepless nights… It wasn’t often he willed himself to show this side of himself.

           “He had no right to come here,” he told her, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “You already put up with years of his abuse…” he went on when she just idly nodded.

           “Michael, honey… you need to eat too,” she mentioned quietly.

           “I will, Ma,” he assured, making sure his voice was soft. “I’m worried about you.”

           When her eyes met his again, he felt a stab in his chest.

           “That gun was locked away at Grandma and Grandpa’s the last I knew,” she whispered.

           Michael inhaled sharply. “Was I wrong to bring it back in here? If I was here I would have been able to…”

           “Get yourself locked up?” she questioned, sounding exasperated.

           “It would have been self-defense. I’m seventeen. They would have gone easy on me,” he rebutted, but his mother just shook her head in response.

           “Michael.” She stopped eating so she could grab his hand that was attached to her other one. She cupped his hand in both of hers, and Michael subconsciously lowered the ice pack down to the table, gripping it even tighter as she gave him a pleading look.

           “Listen to me. This isn’t your fight,” she said, squeezing his hand as he tensed.

           “Ma, you know me by now. If it involves you, it involves me. If it involves Jason, it involves me. I am not going to let anyone get away with this shit. That life has been behind us for almost ten years, I’m not going to let it crawl its way back in.”

           When she noticed his temper rising with the tone of his voice, she interlocks their fingers. “If I promise you I won’t let that happen either, will you trust that I mean that?”

           Michael shrugged hesitantly. “Do I have a choice?” he joked, and when she shook his head he let out a long sigh. “Of course I trust you…” his voice trailed away in mid-thought. It’s him I don’t trust.

           She gently set his hand back down on the table, and coaxed the ice pack out of his grasp. His mom offered him a reassuring smile, and nodded towards his food.

           He gave her one last look, then went back to his dinner. The energy in the room was still tense, but Michael suspected that much. His mother always put on a brave front, but he knew deep down he must remind her of his father. Sure, he wasn’t a heroin addict like he was. But the aggressive behavior, and violent outbreaks. He figured deep down she was probably terrified of her own son. That’s why he tried to have as many moments like this as possible, to remind her that his anger wasn’t directed at her.

           When he excused himself from dinner, he gave her temple a kiss, then went off to his room. He made it a mental note to pester his brother about where he hid that hunting rifle so he could have it in his possession again. Worst case scenario, he would have to buy another, but he was certain he had a good enough case to convince his brother to give it back to him. Michael fucked around for a bit on his laptop, like, literally. Looking up porn, and then beating off type of fucking around.

           His tastes were pretty simplistic for a gay man. He was right to the point. It didn’t need to have any extended amount of foreplay. Michael just needed to get off, and that was it. He could save all the romantic shit for when he actually had a boyfriend. But for now his two vices were more than fulfilling.

           He yanked out his earbuds from his ears after he came, so he could reach for a tissue to clean off with. After lying in bed for a few minutes, he sat up, and grabbed his iPod from his backpack. As he scrolled through the artists, he grinned as he skimmed passed Hilary Duff. Shit, what kind of songs could he bear having ruined for him?

           Michael groaned as he looked over his cluster fuck of music. He had everything from Queen to Lady Gaga to System of a Down to fuckin’ Hilary Duff. But eventually he caved, and looked over the Musicals he had on his iPod. It took him a couple hours to weed through them all, and do a process of elimination. But by the end of it, he actually was quite satisfied with what he had chosen.

\--

           When the next day rolled around, Michael drove himself to Gavin’s apartment. He was taken by surprised when Gavin pulled him inside, not expecting him to start being all touchy right from the beginning.

           “So have you been practicing the exercises we went over?” he questioned, and Michael shrugged.

           “I mean, I haven’t really had much time, but I did pick out a couple songs…” he mentioned, hoping that would take the pout that had formed on Gavin’s face.

           “That’s great, Michael! What did you decide on?”

           Michael looked around his apartment, hoping he would maybe find what he was looking for, but eventually had to resign into asking, “do you got like an iPod dock?”

           Gavin grinned and waved him over to his kitchen. “It’s on the counter there, would you like to use that to show me what you picked out?” he asked, leaning his shoulder against his fridge casually.

           “Uhm, yeah,” Michael replied, while hooking his iPod up.

           Then, as he got it to play the song One Song Glory from the Musical ‘Rent’, Gavin’s eyes lit up in recognition. Michael paused it once he noticed, “We don’t have to listen all the way through if you know it.”

           “Keep playing it. I want to imagine your voice,” Gavin insisted. Michael raised his eyebrows at that statement, but continued playing it anyway.

           When the song was over, Gavin hummed out a pleased sound. “I think that song could fit your range, Michael. I like it a lot. I didn’t know you were into musicals, you didn’t mention that at all when we met.”

           “Well, you didn’t ask…” Michael responded slowly. “The next one I’m not sure you’ll know… it’s by Dave Patten. He’s an artist I watch on Youtube.”

           Gavin rocked back on the balls of his feet, as the song Back began to play. Michael watched his intrigued expression, as he hummed along with it.

           “Both of these songs are a bit sad aren’t they?” Gavin commented as the song ended.

           “Well if you expected music from High School Musical or fuckin’ Glee or any other of that camp shit, then you are looking at the wrong person.” Michael replied defensively.

           Gavin’s eyes widened animatedly, “No-no, Michael, you misunderstand me. I like your song choices a lot! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

           Michael looked away from him when he saw his expression. What did my mom tell this guy… he looks as if he just squashed an ant.

           “You’re fine, dude. I was just sayin’.” He added, “Is it alright if I play the next song?”

           Gavin nodded eagerly, “Yes, please do, Michael.”

           He flinched at the way he added his name. His voice went softer, and extended on his vowels every time he said it. He had to mentally shake away the thought as he played the last song.

           Monster by Paramore. He knew that one was a huge stretch for him, but he waited until the song was over to hear Gavin’s reaction to it.

           “Those are all such different songs!” Gavin exclaimed gleefully. “We really have our work cut out for us.”

           “I guess the good news is I know all the guitar parts for them already… I just have to work on my voice,” Michael mentioned.

           “You play? Your mother never told me you played!”

           “That’s because she thinks I quit. I sort of smashed my guitar with my car when I was pissed off one day… on accident,” Michael responded with a shrug. “I just fuc… er… mess around with the one my friend has now.”

           Gavin gave him a bewildered look at first when he mentioned smashing his guitar, but his face slowly turned into a smile.

           “You are a silly little sausage, Michael,” he states, partway through their exercises.

           Michael who was asked to bend forward while he sang, was making strange ghost noises every time he sounded off key. He waved his arms around, acting as if they were noodles, and whacked Gavin in the leg.

           “Just because I have you working on your ‘Oohs’ doesn’t mean you need to turn into a ghost halfway through,” Gavin scolded.

           “Why not? It’s more fun this way,” Michael argued, but he got it. Back to business.

            Gavin waved for him to come back over to the piano. Before he sat down, he went over another warm up with him.

           “Just start massaging your neck a little, and roll your shoulders back like this.” he demonstrates on himself, and meanwhile explaining that it’s best to be relaxed before diving into everything.

            He watched Gavin as he begins rolling his head in circles, and a faint pop could be heard.

           “It feels good,” Gavin assured, and Michael couldn’t help but smirk before mimicking the suit. He remembered doing the same thing back in middle school choir class, and hadn’t ever imagined he would be doing it again with his very own vocal coach later on in life.

            Towards the end of the lesson, Gavin patted Michael on the back.

             “You did really well today! I think with the lessons to come, you are going to notice a definite change in your range. We’ll work on those songs you picked out soon, I just want to focus on warm ups for the first couple of weeks. Then when we work on your songs, you can apply all the stuff you’ve learned, and I’ll be helping you along the way!”

            Michael nodded, noting that Gavin was a lot more excited about all of this than he was. But, he appreciated the enthusiasm deep down. His natural response was to look off-put by Gavin, and all of his jumping around. Just the way he acted happy about everything made Michael feel a bit jealous. Well, it wasn’t even that. But whenever something was said that was “sad” or “aggravating”, Gavin could wear his heart on his sleeve, displaying whatever emotion that was meant to be inflected. If Michael acted as though he didn’t give a shit, Gavin  did not hesitate to show his disappointment. But when Michael did something correctly, he was overly congratulating him. Maybe it was annoying at first, but the way Gavin acted so honestly… sometimes had Michael’s heart skipping a beat when he was caught off guard.

           “Er… Thanks.” Michael responded finally. He had been staring blankly at Gavin until he noticed his face turning red. He quickly looked away, acting as if he didn’t notice his coach’s face heating up. Which, damn it, was now making his face mimic him. He had been doing it for the last last hour and a half, imitating everything Gavin did with warming up, and singing stupid little sentences like Chester Cheetah Chewed a Chunk of Cheap Cheddar Cheese. Michael found it easy to blame it on that. Since he was already copying him this whole time, it was only natural that his face would emulate Gavin’s.

           “So. Same time Thursday?” Gavin brought up, and Michael instantly nodded.

           “Yeah. Sounds good.” he confirmed making sure to do it much faster this time.

           Then, there Gavin was walking him to the door again, his hand on his back the whole way to the front of his apartment. Michael waved good bye doing his best to seem natural about everything until he was driving away.

           “Fuck…” he muttered under his breath. “What the fuck was that.”

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3-  
  
**

     Later on that day Michael sat bored at home, having nothing better to do he lingered into the kitchen to grab a snack. As he made it down the last step, he noticed his brother and his girlfriend cuddling on the couch together.

     “Hey guys.” he greeted passively.

     Jason was just barely a year under him, and his girlfriend, Lindsay, was this red headed chick who kicked both their asses at video games.

     “Hey man, is it alright if I use the car? Linds and I were going to play mini golf.”

     With a banana in hand, Michael walked back out in the living room, and handed off the keys to his brother. The two of them shared a car, while their mom had her own.

     “You’re not going to finish this wonderful movie?” Michael joked sarcastically, eyeing the screen with a smug look on his face.

     “Jurassic Park is a wonderful movie thank you very much.” Lindsay retorted sticking her tongue out at him.

     “Yeah and you also have seen it a million times. We can finish it when we get back.” Jason responded. Michael grinned. He could tell his brother was itching to get out of the house, which honestly he was a little thankful for. He liked Lindsay and all, but seeing them all lovey dovey together made him a little nauseous at times.

     “Be home by curfew and all that shit,” Michael muttered as they headed out the door. Jason was a much better son that Michael was, he would be home well before curfew.

     Michael ate his snack, played his XBox for a bit, then napped. It was after nine when he woke up to his phone going off. He swiped to answer on the last ring, but ended up missing the call. It had been Ray.

     Being eloquent with his words Michael texts him back with,

     -What the fuck man-

     -Can’t you just answer your fucking phone once in your life.-

     -Sorry I tried but I missed it by a second. Who the fuck calls anymore anyway-

     -Dude. Barb just broke up with me.-

     -Oh shit. Should I call you?-

     -Whatever asshole.-

     -No seriously. I’ll come over. Give me a minute.-

     -alright…-

     Michael made his way downstairs, seeing his mom sitting on the couch watching the tv.

     “Hey, you’re up.” she acknowledged with a smile. “How were lessons today?”

     “They were fine. Gavin’s cool, I guess,” Michael responded, not really wanting to get into too much detail about what he thought of Gavin. Especially when they apparently worked together, or whatever.

     “How was work?” he asked, leaning his arms on the back of the couch.

     “It was good. I have a new girl I am working with, on her motor skills.” As she told Michael a little more about her day, he listened patiently. His mom never revealed too much anyway, since she had a patient confidentiality code she had to abide by.

     “So, why didn’t you ever tell me you worked with Gavin?” Michael questioned, towards the end of their conversation.

     “He only comes in on Monday and Friday... I don’t really see him all that much.” she answered, looking up at her knitting. “I didn’t keep it from you intentionally.”

     Michael wanted to say more about it, but he remembered that Ray was waiting on him.

     “It’s fine. Eh, so Ray texted me. He wants me to come over… I guess Barbara broke up with him, and I promise not to be long…” his voice trailed away. He knew he technically wasn’t grounded or anything, but it still felt weird to ask to go over to a friend’s house while he was being suspended from school.

     “On a school night? It’s almost ten, Michael.” she laughed at her own joke. “As long as Ray’s parents are okay with it. Don’t keep him up too late.”

     Michael kissed the top of her head, “I won’t. I got my phone, I’ll be right across the street if you need anything.”

     As he walked out his front door, his brother was pulling in the driveway by himself.

     “Lindsay’s not coming back to watch Jurassic Park?” Michael teased.

     Jason smirked, “Some of us have school in the morning.”

     In reaction to that, Michael jumped on his back from behind. His younger brother yelped, and flops Michael down into the grass. He yanks Jason down with him, the two of them wrestling around until Ray’s kicking Michael in the side.

     “Yo asshole, I’ve been waiting on my porch for you for ten minutes.” he scolded.

     Michael who was on all fours, about to hawk a loogie into his brother’s eye got on his feet, brushing himself off.

     “We’re gonna smoke hookah in the shed, you want to join us?” Michael offered.

     Jason shook his head. “Nah. You guys go ahead.”

     Michael shrugged, and then the two of them crossed the street back over to Ray’s house.

     “Is your mom not home?” Michael wondered curiously.

     “Mom has the night shift at the hospital. She’s been trying to get day shifts, but they keep putting her back on nights,” he replied.

     Michael nodded, and followed Ray to his back porch.

     “We can smoke out here. I’ll just put it back in the shed when we’re done,” he says to Michael. He noticed the quizzical look on his face. “It’s not like we’re smoking weed,” he added, which seemed to always be what his answer was.

     As he loaded the bowl with tobacco, Michael took a seat on one of the porch chairs.

     “So, why did Barb break up with you?” Michael asked, figuring it best to just rip the bandaid right off.

     Ray paused what he was doing, and sighed. “Well, it started off with her telling me that douche Aaron asked her out.”

     Michael knew Aaron. They had been on the same Varsity together. Michael actually quite liked Aaron, he was a really funny guy, but he kept his mouth shut.

     “Well what the fuck, did she say yes then?” Michael asked incredulously.

     “No. She didn’t tell him yes. She told him no, and I guess… I just shrugged? I didn’t know what to say. But then, she was like, ‘What would you say if I had said yes?’ and I told her that I wasn’t going to stop her from it if she wanted to. Then she got mad, and asked me if I even cared about her…” Ray’s voice trailed away.

     “Shit dude.” Michael exhaled. “That sucks.”

     Ray finished loading the hookah, and Michael watched as he took the first hit.

     “Yeah it sucks a lot. Because of course I fucking care about her. I love her,” Ray replied back, shaking his head sadly.

     “Well did you fucking tell her that?” Michael urged,

     Ray shrugged up in response, “In words…”

     Michael blinked at Ray while he adjusted the glasses that had gone crooked on his face. “I may have called her stupid.”

     “In what context?” Michael pressed, before taking in another hit.

     “Jesus Michael, does it matter?” he groaned. “She was getting more and more upset with my apparent indifference, and instead of consoling her… or even attempting to reassure that I love her I said, ‘Are you that stupid?’ Then I was even more of an asshole and said, ‘You’re the one who brought this up, it’s obvious to me that you are the one who has become unsure of your feelings.’ And that’s when she left.”

     Ray ran his fingers through his hair, which damn near touched his shoulders about. It was to the point, where Michael was about ready to cut his hair for him. “I should have told her better… I should have reassured her like she wanted.”

     Michael passed the hookah back to Ray, who took a long hit. Michael watched as he made smoke rings while he exhaled.

     “I mean, you might have been right. If she felt so inclined to bring it up, she was the one having the thoughts of indifference, and instead of being honest about it… tried to make it seem like you were the one who didn’t care enough about her.” he mentioned, but that doesn’t seem to cheer Ray up much.

     “What’s the point of being right when it ends up like this?” Ray wondered vaguely, and Michael found that he didn’t really have an answer for that one.

     The two of them smoked until the bowl was all used up, and Michael began to feel at peace.

     “Wanna go in and play some Halo?” he suggested, before the period of silence went on for too much longer.

     “Nah, I fuckin’ gotta be up for school,” Ray replied back bitterly.

     “Man you should just fucking skip tomorrow,” Michael stated. “No point going in when you're just going to be thinking about her all day.”

     Ray shrugged. “It’s better than my mom urging me to the doctor when I’m not actually sick. A hypochondriac working in a hospital is not a good mix. She’ll think I am in the early stages of cancer or something.”

     “Well at least yours doesn’t sign you up for voice lessons when you get suspended from school,” Michael responded.

     “Maybe that’s because I don’t get suspended, bro. You could be a senior this year like the rest of us, if you didn’t pick so many fights,” Ray brought up, and Michael tsh’d in response.

     “Yeah, you’re right,” he finally concluded, standing up and stretching his back.

     “I know I’m right,” Ray muttered, and Michael socked him in the shoulder in response.

     “Ow fuck dude.”

     “I can’t help it. Who else do I get to beat up now that I’m suspended?” Michael teased with a grin on his face.

     Ray just shook his head in response, and Michael took his leave.

     --

     When he was back at home, he found that his mother had waited up for him.

     “How’s Ray?” she asked.

     “I think he’ll be alright. Plenty of fish in the sea, right?”

     “Especially at his age. You’re a good friend, Michael.” she assured him.

     Michael nodded absently, then made his way back up to his bedroom.  When he was back upstairs, he couldn’t help but let something Ray had said to him play back in his mind. You could be a senior like the rest of us, if you didn’t pick so many fights. ‘Well, maybe people should stop being so fucking terrible,’ he thought to himself, feeling a bit of anger rising inside of him, but he knew it wasn’t Ray’s fault. Ray, not so unlike himself, was a very blunt person. The difference between them was Ray based his telling it straight off what he saw. Michael based all his rants off the emotions he felt towards it. Maybe that was why Ray had such a hard time telling Barb how she felt today, because he looked at it all from a logical standpoint.

     What’s the point of being right when it ends up like this, another thing Ray had said today, that Michael now was selfishly applying to his own situation. Every fight he had ever caused, he justified it by telling himself that he was in the right. That dick on the football field called him a fag first. So of course Michael felt that he was in the right to defend himself against his homophobic hate. But what was the point in being right when it interfered with his education, and things being taken away from him? He found himself in the witches pot, that brewed negative thoughts like his mom always talked about. And that only made him feel worse.

     How would Michael ever begin to make a difference in this world? His heart began racing, and he didn’t know what he was thinking, but he was down on his hands and knees searching for the gun he had stowed underneath his bed. Except, it was gone now. How could he have forgotten so quickly?

     He let out a long sigh, deciding he would just have to wait until tomorrow to interrogate his brother about it. Michael laid on his floor, slowly finding the peace had felt just a little bit ago fading away from him. The chaos in his mind began to rise even more, and his eyes stared up at his ceiling letting the rough dots be a blank wide screen to the thoughts running through his mind.

     Michael swore to himself one day it would all be too much, and the ceiling he filled with unanswered questions would be erased. There was so much unfinished business in the world, that maybe there really was only one way to finish it off.

     For now, there was one solution he had in mind that turned things off for awhile. His hand that had been resting on his stomach slide under the waistband of his boxers that poked out from his jeans. He kept his eyes fixed on the ceiling as he began stroking himself. A song filled his eardrums, and infected his mind. At first, the words couldn’t be deciphered, but it definitely was familiar. On the tip of his tongue…

     Then he realized he was thinking about Gavin, and what infected his mind wasn’t a song. It was just his voice. The way he had said his name over the past couple days in that stupid accent of his, and touched his neck during lessons. And it really was stupid because he had only met the guy twice…

     And here he was masturbating to him.

     His brain fought with himself, trying to put other images in his mind. A pair of tattooed hands touching his body, always seemed to do the trick. After making a mess in his jeans, he sighed as he found himself wondering more about Gavin.

     Not even sexual things…

     Just things in general.

     He was suddenly more determined to find out more about him, come their next lesson.

     Things like, What did he do for fun, what kind of foods does he like, what are his thoughts on life…

     The more questions he had, the more excited he was for their next lesson.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4-**

Being suspended from school, Michael was alone a lot more than he was used to. Mostly he could sleep the day away. But sometimes when no one was home, Michael sat alone in his room. He’d sit with the back of his head pressed against the back of the headboard. He would drive his head harder and harder into the headboard like it was a game he played with himself. How hard could he hit his head before he pussied out? This wasn’t something he just made up either out of boredom. Well, maybe he was bored… But that wasn’t the _reason_ he would hit his head against a wall over and over. The reason. That was always an unanswered question in Michael’s mind.

                No, this habit started off when he was a small child. A small child who threw tantrums. He would scream at the top of his lungs, and thrash his body around. The way his father tried to get him to stop was by beating him with his fists. For a small period of time he was taken away from his parents’ home to live with his grandparents. They patiently worked with him to solve his fits another way. Eventually there was a bit of success in reducing them, but Michael didn’t fully stop throwing tantrums until he was twelve years old.

When he was twelve, he hit his head so hard he split his head open, and even had to get stitches. Michael and his brother were back living with their mother by then. Jason was much mellower than he was. Too bad, that his mother didn’t luck out so much with him though. Michael remembered that day only vaguely. His mother had been at work, and the baby sitter was in hysterics by the time she arrived home.

“Michael’s locked himself in his room.” She said in a panic.

His mother had to run to the garage to grab a ladder, and enter his room for his bedroom from the outside. When she finally managed to take off the screen, she was able to crawl in. There she saw her son laying on the ground bashing his head on to the floor screaming.

“Why are you upset Michael?” she asked gently. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Everything! I hate it here! I hate you! I hate fucking Jason! I hate you, you hear me? I fucking hate you! You bitch!” Michael bellowed, and he was only hitting his head harder.

“Michael I know you don’t mean that. You’re just upset.” She told him.

“NO I MEAN IT I HATE YOU. I HATE LIVING HERE. I rather die than stay here!” he screamed.

“Michael.” She spoke sharply. “You are hurting yourself. Please stop.” she moves to grab him, and pull him into a hug, but he smacks his head against hers.

“Ow! Michael!” she raised her voice, and smacked him across the face before she could stop herself. That’s when she noticed his bottom lip was bleeding.

“How did you hurt you lip, did you get into a fight with Jason?”

Michael froze for a moment, his heart racing. He looked away from her holding his cheek in his hand in fear she may try to slap him again.

“Michael. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hit you. I was just startled, honey.” She reached for him again, but Michael wails out a blood curdling cry. He ran for the door, when he can’t seem to unlock it he began banging his head against the door.

“Michael, no, please stop!” she called after him breaking out into sobs.

After a few more blows Michael dropped to the floor, having knocked himself unconscious.

The memory from there was waking up in the hospital. Michael was hospitalized for nearly a whole month because of that incident. Since then, he treated his mother much more kindly.

And although, he no longer through tantrums like that… He couldn’t completely kick the old habit. He was much more careful with it these days. Instead of screaming aloud, and throwing a fit. It was more like his screams were locked inside his mind. He hit his head against the wall to make it go away. What _it was_ , sometimes Michael wasn’t even sure.

The only noise he could hear now was the sound of the head board bashing against the wall with each blow. That’s why he only ever did it when he was sure he was home alone. Which in his defense, was hardly ever.

The lifelessness he felt was what drove him here. There weren’t really words to describe how it felt. Well fucking, yeah, it hurt… But at the same time relief somehow was able to coexist with the pain. Along with a displaced sense of familiarity.

He would be back at school tomorrow. This would be his last day alone like this.

                The next thing he knew, an hour had passed, and Ray had texted him.

                -Man today was fucking boring. Glad you’re going to be back tomorrow.-

                -I’m sure you’re the only one who thinks that.-

                -I know. But that’s still something right?-

                -We smoking today?-

                -Nah. My mom is talkin’ stuff about my dad going to be home. So I have to prepare for that nightmare.-

                -Well at least he will be gone as quick as he came.-

                -My thoughts exactly-

                Though, Michael was disappointed that Ray would not be to hang out he didn’t continue to bother him. His mind rolled over to Gavin. He had seen him another two times since he had been suspended. Which made it a whopping four sessions since he was first suspended. He skipped today, but was only able to get away with it since he would be seeing him on Tuesday anyway.

                Well, he assumed he had gotten away with it, until he was sitting down for dinner with his mom. Jason was at Lindsay’s having dinner with her and her parents.

                “So you skipped your lessons today?” she questioned.

                “Well shit mom three times a week is fucking insane!” he mentioned. “I looked online, vocal coaches really only do lessons once a week or fucking biweekly at that. Why the hell am I going three times a week?”

                His mother shot him a glare. “I don’t appreciate the way you are talking to me, Michael.”

                “I’ve got a fucking, excuse me, sorry, I’ve got a _damn_ point, don’t I?” he asked. “Ma’am.”

                His mother dropped her spoon back on the table, “Yes I know vocal coaches only do biweekly, or once a week. But Gavin was looking to have a few students, and I offered to buy out the other slots he wanted to fill up.”

                “Why the fuck—sorry. Why did you do that?” Michael pressed taking in a deep breath, wanting to keep his anger in check.

                “I wanted you to have something consistent until you were back at school, Michael.” She argued, and he could tell he obviously hurt her feelings. He instantly felt guilty, but that didn’t mean he was done being pissed off about it.

                “Three times a week though?” he replied, his voice much weaker.

                “Yes. Three times a week. He was looking to have three students. But instead I convinced him to just have you for three times a week. It was only meant to be temporary… until we found something else productive we could do with your time.”

                Michael sighed, “Okay. I get it. I’m sorry for getting so upset.”

                His mother mimicked his sigh, “No… I see why you were upset. I should have explained it to you from the beginning.” She then went back to her chicken and dumpling soup.

                “Once again, you’ve outdone yourself.” Michael complimented pointing to the soup. He knew without the gesture, the sentence would have had a whole different meaning.

                “Thank you.” She flashed him a small smile, but Michael felt there was something unspoken going on between them. Maybe it was the guilt of him knowing what he did before coming down to dinner. Maybe it was because he knew that his mother constantly worried for his health and well-being. Maybe because he knew how hard she tried to keep him away from hurting himself, he felt like he was betraying her more than he was betraying himself.

                --

                Luckily he didn’t have to think on it for long because he would have school to worry about. He was able to catch up somewhat during his suspension. But he had a couple teachers who refused to give him any of the work he would be missing out on until he was back in school again (a prime example of that was in Phy-Ed he had a whole massacre of mile runs, and things he had to do to make up with ‘participation points’ it was honestly the most ridiculous thing. But he didn’t complain because he feared all it would do is land him in detention). His first class of the day AP Economics involved a very challenging test that was supposedly going to make up more than half of his grade. Throughout the course of the day, he was reprimanded by each teacher about how much harder he would have to work, and being suspended near the end of the first semester was not a good place for him to be in.  Michael nodded blindly until he was off to his study period which was right before lunch. In the back of his mind, Michael thought maybe he should use this time wisely to study, but quickly blew away the thought.

                He went up to the supervisor for study hall, and got a pass to see Mr. Ramsey like he usually did. Mr. Ramsey, or as he was constantly told to refer to him as, Geoff was his English teacher. English was his last class of the day, however, his study hall happened to line up with Geoff’s free period. The two of them got close when he started here last spring. He had been in this school district before, back in elementary school, but he was kicked out at some point during middle school… well he technically transferred out before he could be kicked out. Then, he actually _was_ kicked out of that school last spring, and that landed him back here in the school district he originally started in. Back with all his old friends. It was a long stupid story, but either way he met Geoff because he also was in charge of detention. Which Michael landed at least five of those last Spring once he was back.

                It was just a happy coincidence that he ended up being his teacher this year. When he made it to Geoff’s class room, he smirked.

                “Sup Geoff?” he greeted throwing his bag on a random desk.

                “Sup yourself.” He replied, and Michael finally looked him in the eye. Geoff wasn’t the type to give him the whole ‘you really need to work hard now’ speech. He just met Michael’s gaze, and smiled half-heartedly.

                “Want to go for a drive?” he asked.

                “Hell yeah I do.” Michael agreed. Technically leaving school property with another teacher wasn’t allowed, but no one ever questioned it. If they ever did, the plan was just to say they went across the street for lunch. So far the excuse was not needed.     

                As Geoff drove to their usual spot, the two of them listened to the radio in silence. With the windows rolled all the way down Michael strummed his fingers just outside the door casually, as the wind whipped his hair every which way.

                When the car was hidden underneath an old bridge, Geoff killed the engine, but kept the radio on. There wasn’t a lot of talking during these car rides, well not until after…

                The music helped fill the air. Not quite blocking out all other noises, but drowned them out a little better. The first of it being the sound Geoff’s seat made as he pulled the lever, and kicked it all the way back. It made room for Michael to go on his knees in front of him. Yeah, his back was awkwardly pressed against the bottom of the steering wheel, but when Geoff’s cock sprang free from his jeans he ended up forgetting all about that.

                What Michael assumed would happen, was that he would suck Geoff off, and then the favor would be returned in a similar manner. But just as Michael’s mouth was watering, and his tongue was flat against the base, Geoff instructed him not to make him come. Michael did with that, what he could. He sucked, and stroked. But Geoff took his hand away, “Come on, I’ve seen you take me in all the way.”

                Michael groaned, and the vibration that was sent down Geoff’s cock, caused him to buck his hips forward slightly.

                “Yeah that’s it Michael.” He encouraged, running his fingers through his hair, and Michael noticeably winced underneath him.

                “You okay buddy?” Geoff asked, but Michael’s response was to drag his teeth against him.

                Michael felt Geoff get hard in his mouth, and that’s when Geoff tugged him off. The tug nearly caused Michael to cry out, but not anything to do with the force. He bit it down, because the last thing he wanted to do was explain to Geoff what the bruise on the back of head was actually from. How does anyone begin to explain that anyway?

                Michael gazed up at Geoff, and the back of his tattooed knuckles stroke his cheek gently.

                “Suck on these next.” He told him, as his fingertips traced of his lips. Michael felt his heart skip a beat, it wasn’t like he was a virgin, but it wasn’t often when Geoff suggested they take it this far. He silently took Geoff’s fingers into his mouth, knowing no matter how wet they got his ass was still going to burn like hell. But he allowed it. Because fuck he wanted it so bad.

                When he was done, Geoff had him lean back over into his seat. His jeans were saggy, so Geoff had an easy enough time exposing him. Michael folds his arms in the passenger’s seat, and buries his head into them as Geoff pushed in the first finger.

                His own groin was pushing into Geoff’s thigh, as he was being worked on. When he feels his finger curl, he shivers.

                “Michael I haven’t even added a second finger yet.” He teased, but then there it was… The second finger.

                “Shut up Geoff.” He huffed, but Geoff’s response was to thrust his fingers in with more vigor.

                “I don’t think you are really in the position to bad mouth me, Michael.” He tested, “What do you think?”

                Michael whines, “Geoff please.”

                Geoff laughed triumphantly. “Geoff please? I got a _please_? This is a glorious day for me. What is it you want me to _please_ Michael?”

                Michael shook his head, “Fuck off.”

                “I’ll assume that is you want me to _please_ add a third finger.” Geoff replied, and did as such. His fingers moved in response to Michael. If he was fussy, he added a little more thrust, if he didn’t seem to be reacting much at all, he would curl his fingers in hopes to encourage more of a reaction. It was honestly a double edged sword for Michael.

                When his fingers were gone, Michael felt his chest swell up.

                “Come here,” Geoff nearly whispered, when Michael pushed himself up right he was on his knees again. Geoff nodded for him to get on his lap. As he pulled himself up, twisting around to face forward, Geoff stopped him partway as his lips collided into Michael’s.

                Michael was a little taken aback by the kiss, since his lips had just been on his cock not too long ago, but Geoff didn’t seem to care as his tongue slid against his teeth. Michael wrestled his tongue a bit for dominance until it was unbearable. He pulled back and pressed his forehead against Geoff’s cheek.

                “Don’t make me beg you for this.” Michael growled, wimpier than he intended it to be.

                “I wasn’t going to, but now I kind of want to.” He responded, but when he saw the glare Michael was giving him, he raised his arms. “I’m kidding.”

                With his legs spread as far as he could make them, Geoff coaxed Michael to turn around. With one hand on his hips, and slowly settled Michael down on to him. At first his head was pressing against him, and that’s all it would allow. Geoff nipped against his ear. “Relax.” He reminded, and with a firm hold on Michael, and his other hand coaxing him to open up, he was able to settle himself all the way inside.

                Michael took a deep breath, he had been leaning forward the entire time, but Geoff had his ways of getting Michael to do what he wanted. Soon, he was exactly where Geoff wanted him, and that was with him pressed flushed against his chest. As a reward, he took Michael’s cock in his hand began stroking him.

                “This is better than last time.” He said, and Michael just quietly nodded in agreement. Since that seemed to be the only thing functioning for him at the moment. Geoff was all the way inside him, holy fuck… he just wanted him to move. Aside from his hand, everything was so still. Geoff was just jerking him off like nothing else was happening, until, he felt him thrust upward. Michael let out a loud painful sound.

                “You okay?” Geoff asked. Michael nodded distractedly, as the shocks fizzled into a warm pleasant feeling.

                “Do you want me to keep going?” he urged, and Michael nodded yet again for what felt like the hundredth time since they started.

                “Yes, yes.” He assured. Geoff’s hips moved up again, and Michael moved with him. And it was all so tight. This wasn’t his first time, but _god_ it was still just as painful.

                Geoff’s upward thrusts began to have less pauses in between, and he was panting down Michael’s neck. He eventually stopped stroking him, and his hand went around his sack. He swiped his thumb across, before he began to grope experimentally. Michael missed the hand on his cock, but this wasn’t unwelcome either. He sort of just wished Geoff had more hands, so he could touch him everywhere.

                “You want to try moving Michael?” Geoff asked, and Michael cursed at the question.

                Geoff froze, and Michael lifted himself, Geoff’s hand was still holding his hip firmly. So when he reached a certain point, Geoff told him to move back down. Michael did this a few times, and he winced every time he came back down. The waves of pleasure began to override the burn, and he had totally forgotten the radio was even on when Geoff began thrusting upward to meet Michael’s movements.    

                Their offbeat breaths, and groans amplified over the music playing. It meshed in with the song that was on, and Geoff’s hand was around him again. He wasn’t even moving his hand at this point, it was just their movements doing all the work.

                Michael came before Geoff. His mess shooting against his steering wheel. When Geoff came it was all on the back of Michael’s leg. Geoff cleans him off, before he settled back into the passenger’s seat. He closes his eyes, after he tucked his junk back into his pants. Focusing on his racing heartbeat, Michael had pushed out how bad this was until now.

                “You’re not married right? I don’t want to be a cause of infidelity or whatever the fuck.” Michael had asked this before, and Geoff always replied he was single. But for some reason Michael had a hard time believing that.

                “It’s not like I want to be your boyfriend… I just don’t want to contribute to…”

                “Michael, Michael. I am divorced. I’ve been divorced for ten years.” He assured him.

                Michael sighs a breath of relief, but instantly realized how selfish that was. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry about your divorce.”

                “It’s ancient history now.” Geoff replied.

                “Did you have, like kids then?” Michael asked, not being able to hide his curiosity.

                “I did. I do. A daughter.” He answered quietly.

                “A daughter? How old is she?” Michael wondered, opening his eyes to look at him.

                “She…” he sighed, “she would have been fourteen last month.”

                “Would have? Oh shit… Geoff I’m sorry…”

                “You didn’t know… She had this rare cancer, and died when she was only three years old.”

                Michael’s eyes widened. “Oh Jesus… That really sucks.”

                “Yeah, a dead kid kind of kills a marriage too. We were just too depressed, and the only way we saw that we could move on is if we just separated from each other. Neither of us blamed one and another… It was just so hard to look at each other without one of us choking up.” Geoff explained, and Michael had no idea how to respond. Michael himself was seventeen, it was weird to think Geoff had a daughter that would have been just three years younger than him.   
                “Alright well now that you learned that really personally thing about me, now I get to ask you something.” Geoff stated, and Michael fiddled uncomfortably. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was like all those other teachers today. Just about ready to tell him how he needed to grow up, and get his life together… Realize all his actions had major consequences. All that bullshit.   
                “You want to tell me about the welt on the back of your head?” Geoff asked straight out, and Michael’s heart sank. He thought for sure this would be a talk about what happened a couple weeks ago.

                “Come to think of it, you always are coming into school wearing beanies.” He added.

                Michael picked at the hole in his jeans as Geoff waited for him to talk. “It’s nothing.” Michael finally said. “It’s no big deal.”

                “Come on. Give me more than that. I get it, I am obligated to report abuse, and that makes it scary to talk to me… but I mean… look at what we’re doing here. Someone’s obligated to report that too if they were to see it. Just give it to me straight, Michael. I wont say anything. Just, think of it like you are speaking into a void.”

                “No one’s abusing me.” Michael responded quietly. He lets out a low sigh. “I just, sometimes, I don’t know…” he paused.

                “What’re you saying here, Michael? I don’t think that this just happened on its own. That welt on the back of your head… that had intent behind it.”

                “I did it!” Michael blurted. “Okay there. I fucking hit my head. Over and over. I can’t explain why. I just do it sometimes… not a lot…”

                Geoff hummed quietly when Michael’s voice trailed away. “How do you feel now?”

                “What do you mean?” Michael questioned.

                “Well if I had to guess, I am the first person who you have told right?” Geoff questioned.

                Michael shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. My mom doesn’t know I still do it at least. When I was younger I threw tantrums and stuff, hit my head against the wall and shit… But now I just do it when I am alone instead of having a live studio audience.”

                Geoff huffed at his dry remark. “Have you tried less extreme methods? Like a stress ball or slapping a rubber band against your wrist? Maybe just rub one out instead?”

                Michael sighed. “It’s not really like that.” He told him, struggling to find the right words to say.

                “Well then, what is it like?” Geoff pressed.

                “I don’t know. I told you I can’t explain it.” Michael muttered, feeling his jaw clench as he grew impatient of the conversation.

                Geoff didn’t push anymore, he started up the car again, and drove them back to school.

                “Well if you ever do figure out how to explain it, I’m always here to listen.” Geoff responded.

                Michael nodded slowly. His head felt a little woozy, as it dawned on him he finally told someone about his little secret. Geoff may have assured him it would stay a secret, however he couldn’t help but worry regardless. He had at least expected that he would be scolded, or hear a voice of concern. That what he was doing to himself was dangerous. But Geoff didn’t say any of that.

                “So that’s it?” Michael piped up as Geoff pulled back into the school parking lot.

                “Well for today, yeah. I mean, you better not fucking skip English. You’ve already missed two weeks of it.” Michael tsh’d dismissively, as Geoff teasingly slugged him in the shoulder.

                Michael opened his mouth to try again, but it all just hung on the tip of his tongue. “Don’t worry I won’t skip English.” Is what he finally decided to say, and Geoff ruffled his hair in response.

                After they parted ways, Michael finished the school day like he would any other. As much as he hated to play catch up he couldn’t afford getting held back another year over something like this.

                Before heading home Michael passed by the football field. He leaned against the gate watching as the team began warming up for practice. His heart sank as he watched, wishing for a brief moment he could rewind time to go back and do things differently.

                “Watching them in longing isn’t going to change anything.” Ray’s voice came through, as he clamped his hand down on Michael’s shoulder.

                “What the fuck, you put a GPS tracker on me or something?” Michael joked.

                “Nah I thought you might pass by here. Figured I could bum a ride off you since Barb and I…” Ray’s voice trailed off, and Michael just nodded not needing any further explanation.

                “Wanna go get some fuckin’ chili dogs?” Michael offered.

                “Nothing cures a broken heart better than clogging the arteries.” He responded with a tiny smirk.

                They were soon after joined by Jason and Lindsay (since they also wanted to bum a ride), and Michael felt better to be back at school for once. It was strange how one moment everything could seem so pointless; that he could go for so long feeling like his existence was nothing. Then turn around, and suddenly feel okay. The moment was often fleeting, but Michael took comfort in them nonetheless.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter introduces some new triggers, and from this point forward this fic will have a trans character. It also introduces a new pairing. I can't guarantee from this point forward that there won't be anymore surprises. If you are this far in the triggers will only grow, and I will tag as many of them as I can, but just know going forward (if you haven't guessed already) that this content is triggering in a handful of areas.

Chapter 5.

 

       “Very good, Michael!” Gavin squeaked happily. The two of them had been working for almost the whole hour to have Michael reach a certain note, and he was finally just now getting the hang of it.

       Michael let out a little sigh, “I don’t know if I can do that again twice, let alone fuckin’... every time.”

       “Don’t lose confidence now. You’re doing lovely.” Gavin encouraged, setting a gentle hand on his shoulder. Michael turned to look at him, and then gave him a playful nudge in return. He didn’t know when exactly he began to willing follow along with all of this, but he had been back at school for two weeks now, and he hadn’t since complained about having voice lessons with Gavin.

       “We’ve got a half hour left.” Michael realized after checking his phone for the time, “Should we do this again, or should we leave off here on a high note?”

       Gavin snickered at his lame pun, “Actually there was something else I was hoping we could maybe do.” he suggested waggling his eyebrows at him.

“What is that?” Michael asked, attempting to keep his voice from wavering. There was no way in hell Gavin was thinking about… where Michael’s mind trailed off to. So, he hoped he would say it fast before Michael gave away what he was thinking.

“Cover your eyes, and stay here. I’ll be back.” Gavin instructed. When Michael just gave him a confused look, Gavin forcefully grabbed his wrists bringing them to Michael’s face so he would cover his eyes. “Keep them closed until I say it’s okay.”

       

       Michael laughed in response, but decided he would amuse Gavin and do as he was told.

The moment he heard Gavin shuffle off, a loud bang could be heard. Michael’s laugh only amplified.

       “You idiot!” he shouted.

       “I’m okay!” Gavin replied back.

       Then a few moments later, he felt something being placed in his lap, “Open your eyes, Michael.” Gavin cooed close to his ear.

       When he opened his eyes, Gavin was hovering over him with a wide grin on his face. He attempted to put a strap over Michael’s shoulder. He looked down to see Gavin had placed an acoustic guitar in his lap.

       “What the fuck is this?” he asked. He didn’t mean to sound as rude as he did, but it honestly caught him off guard.

       “Well you are the one who mentioned you play now, didn’t you?” Gavin asked like it was obvious,  “I’ve been wanting to hear you play, and I was finally able to get my mum to send over my old one from high school.”

       Michael watched him, slightly perplexed, as Gavin sat cross legged on the floor.

       

       Michael was about to tell him it was a bass guitar that he used to play, but he decided against it, because he knew how to use an acoustic guitar. He just preferred bass. He figured Gavin would just wave it off, and insist he try anyway.

 

       “What the hell am I supposed to even play?” he questioned.

       “What about one of those songs you played for me a while back?” Gavin suggested bouncing up and down excitedly.

       Michael rolled his eyes, but he still couldn’t hide the fact he was smiling right back at him. He strummed experimentally, and winced at the horrible sound that came out.

       “Holy fuck does this need to be tuned.” After playing around with that for a bit, Michael finally managed to make a sound that didn’t make his ears bleed.

       He decided to go with something he had committed to his muscle memory. It felt strange, playing in front of Gavin. The only people had ever heard him play was Ray, his mom, and his brother. In his opinion, it was a great blend of “everything you do is perfect” sort of praise his mom would give him, “Stop playing the same god damn song over and over my ears are bleeding” complaint from his brother. And then of course the most constructive, “eh it’s alright.” attitude Ray emitted.

       To be honest, Michael hadn’t even thought twice about what he would play. It wasn’t an actual song, well by actual song it was really just an unfinished one. Whenever he was unsure of what to play, he would use it to warm up. Ray had told him once (in a very ‘Ray like’ fashion), it might actually be good if he could put some words to it.

       As he strummed along, he watched his own hands self consciously. Even though it was sprung on him on him out of the blue, and he could have easily declined… Michael wanted to impress Gavin. Well, he at least didn’t want to fuck up in front of him. When he felt he was in good rhythm, he looked up to see Gavin staring at him intensely. He noticed that his face had actually gone a little red, and Michael instantly made an off-key note at the sight of Gavin. Luckily, he was able to recover from it quickly. He went back to having his head bowed as he played. Why in the hell is GAVIN blushing? Michael couldn’t help but wonder. He knew that he must be now following the suit, because he could feel his whole body burning up suddenly.

       It wasn’t much long after that Michael set the guitar down. He knew he could only repeat certain riffs for so long before Gavin would get bored of them.

       “That was beautiful, Michael.” he piped up after a moment. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before. What was it?”

       “It’s not an actual song really. I mean it might sound like something. I dunno. I sort of made it up one day when I was bored.” Michael muttered. “I wouldn’t really call it an original. I don’t really have intentions on finishing it… I just like how it sounds I guess.”

       “Well I think it was incredible.” Gavin told him.

       “It’s really nothing…” his voice trails away when Gavin stands, and sets both his hands on Michael’s shoulders.

       “Michael I just had an idea. We’re going to write words to this beautiful song.”

       “We are?” Michael laughed a little, not being able to help it. “I’m definitely not a songwriter.”

       Gavin huffed as if Michael had just told him Santa wasn’t real.

       “I think you are more of one than you think. You just haven’t explored it enough yet.” In his head, Michael thought of things he would much rather explore than writing a stupid song.

       He takes a deep breath, and tries to collect his thoughts. “Okay I will try, but if it ends up being dumb, I don’t want it leaving this room.” Michael concludes. After they shake on it, that pretty much summed up the rest of his voice lessons for the day.

       --

 

       The last thing Michael was expecting when he got home was to see a puffy eyed Ray on his couch, chatting with his mother. Michael’s mother had her arm around him, just as he walked in the door.

       “The fuck?” Michael greeted, and his mother gave him a mournful look.

       “I didn’t know what else to do.” Ray mumbled as Michael gave him a perplexed look.

       “Dude… what’s going on?” he questioned shaking his head in confusion. A dramatic hat removing gesture later, Michael was feasting his eyes on one of the most terrible buzz cuts he has seen in probably his whole life time.

       “My dad fucking shaved off all my hair. I didn’t even have a choice. I told him no, but he did it anyway. The asshole comes home for one fucking day, does this shit, gets in a fight with my mom then fucking leaves all over again.”

       Michael’s mouth hung open in confusion, “I mean fuck, I’m with your dad on the haircut, but this is just…”

       “Michael.” his mother scolded.

       “What-- he was starting to look like a fucking girl...”

       Ray tugged the hat back on furiously. “Yeah well maybe I wanted to look like that.” he stands up, then and shoves his way past Michael.

       “Woah-- dude. You don’t have to leave!” he hollers after him.

       Ray spins around, but to Michael’s surprise, the eye contact wasn’t made with him, but his mother.

       “I told you, Ms. Jones. He won’t get it.” he spoke, his voice wavering.

       “I won’t get what, Ray?” Michael interjected, but Ray was still avoiding his gaze.

       “You just have to give him a chance. Why don’t you both have a sit, and I can make some dinner for you both…”

       Ray laughed at that, “I think I’ve dealt with enough ignorant assholes today.”

       Michael’s mouth hung open at that statement, “What the hell did I do?”

       “I don’t know, Michael. Why don’t you just take, maybe like a fucking second to think about everything you’ve said since you got here. And maybe just think, huh, did I happen to say anything that could have been hurtful or offensive?”

       Michael squinted, “Well fuck, I was only kidding…”

       “Yeah, well fuck you! I didn’t find it very funny. I don’t ever find it funny when you make jokes about how if I am straight I shouldn’t be into chick flicks as much as I am, or how I shouldn’t fucking be obsessed with Michelle Phan if I’m not really gay. Or how you freak out whenever you see me wear makeup.”

       Michael’s eyes widen, and he looks over at his mom like he was a deer caught in the head lights.

       “Well fuck me, but you aren’t even gay! I don’t get it. I mean, I get being comfortable with your sexuality… but you aren’t even into like fucking theater… or anything…”

       “Well maybe I don’t really identify with that shit. Maybe I don’t even identify with being a guy, period.”

       Michael squints at his friend, and shakes his head dumbfounded. “Like, you’re trans?”

       “I don’t know, maybe!” Ray replies throwing his hands up exasperatedly. “I guess I am sort of just figuring this all out myself… and it would be really nice, if like my best friend could stop shitting on me, and making jokes.”

       Michael takes in a sharp breath, “Well fuck, yeah, I mean… shit Ray… I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean anything by it…”

       Ray hesitantly walks away from the door, “I am sorry for, like, over reacting. I know you aren’t an asshole intentionally. If I wasn’t such a bitch about it, I should’ve known you would have listened to me.”

       “No shit. That would be fucking stupid, you know? If I get myself suspended for punching out someone calling me a fag, that would just make me like the biggest fucking hypocrite, if I was like an asshole to you for being trans. I mean, I wouldn’t have made those jokes at all if I knew that in the first place. I know I have shitty humor, but I wouldn’t be an asshole if I knew it actually carried any real weight on you.”

       Ray shoves him, “It’s fine… people say ignorant shit all the time. As long as you are wanting to change that, then that already means a lot to me. It’s people like my father, who are set in their ways… those are the people that really get to me, ya know?”

       Michael frowns, “Is that why he did that then?”

       “I mean, kind of? He was going to shave my head regardless, but then when I tried to tell him I like it that way… that I feel more myself with longer hair, and he yelled something about me not being a girl, and I replied back with ‘well that isn’t my fault I wasn’t born the way I wanted to be’... That just fucking pissed him off even more.”

       Michael’s blood boiled at that, “That’s fucking assault. He can’t seriously get away with that!”

       Ray looked down at his feet, “Well it’s already done… It’ll grow back. There’s no way I could press charges or anything like that. Not without tearing my whole family apart even more. I can’t put my mom through that.”

       Michael turned around to look at his mother, and she gave them a sad look. “I really don’t have an answer for this one. It might be best to just let this one simmer down. I know it’s hard to think of it right now, but you’re both going to be adults in a year. Ray as soon as you’re eighteen, we’ve got room for you here, but in the meantime, I think it might just be best to try to let this all blow over. It’ll get better. You just have to give it time.”

           A crippling silence fell into the room at that. As the two of them sat down together, Michael began to feel more and more like an idiot.

           “I feel like I should have known…” Michael said quietly, as his mom walked off into the kitchen.

           “Well how could you have if I didn’t even know?” Ray responds with a shrug. “I mean… I still am not sure what I am…”

           “Well fuck. You are you. That’s enough right? You are whatever you fucking want to be.” Michael set a comforting hand on Ray’s shoulder as his friend let out a low exhale.

“Thanks Michael. I really didn’t mean to freak out.”

Michael shook his head, “No you were absolutely in the right. I can be such a dickhead…”

When Ray doesn’t hesitate to agree, Michael raises his hand to punch his shoulder, but stops himself mid action. The thought of possibly hitting a girl even jokingly didn’t feel right.

After dinner the two of them went up to Michael’s room since Ray got permission from their mom to spend the night.

“So your brother told me about that freak out you had over your dad?” Ray brought up in the middle of their mission on COD.

“Fuck are you serious?!” Michael yelled then let out a long sigh.

“You were hiding a gun in your room?” Ray pressed. “That’s kind of morbid man.”

“It’s been a couple weeks since it happened, but you saw what he did to her… It’s for everyone’s protection. The son of a bitch is just lucky I wasn’t here when he came around.”

“Did the police find him yet?” Ray wondered, and Michael just shook his head.

“We haven’t heard anything. I can tell it’s getting to her a little. She just seems so shaken since it happened. She doesn’t want to say it, but I can just tell…”

           “You aren’t planning on getting another one are you? Why don’t you just get a stun gun?” Ray suggested.

           Michael wanted to protest that, but he just nodded.

           For the next couple hours the two of them continued to play in a concentrated silence. That was until Michael’s ADHD got the better of him, and he had to shut the game off entirely.

           There was a moment as he looked over at his friend, and Ray looked back that made his blood rush, and his heart pounded in his ear drums… It didn’t happen often.

           “So uh… if you are a girl… have you thought of a name or whatever?”

           “Valerie” Ray admitted almost automatically.

           “Valerie? I like it.” Michael replied with a small smirk.

           “Would that make you like a lesbian or…?”

           Ray shrugged. “I dunno. I never said I didn’t like guys? I mean I dated Barb, and Courtney… and I was attracted to them… But I have been attracted to some men too… I just never cared to act on it, because I like girls, so why complicate my life?”

           Michael laughs slightly. “Are you serious right now?”

           “I mean can you blame me? After seeing you getting suspended left and right… And that’s because you stand up for yourself. Can you imagine me if I was openly exploring this shit? I am spineless… I would be eaten alive.”

           Michael felt his heart throb again in his chest. It wasn’t like his crush on Ray was hardcore or anything, but he couldn’t help but think that maybe he could help him out with the exploring aspect. It’s what Michael was best at.

           “You’re not spineless.” Michael fought the words out when he realized his gaze was lingering a bit too long.

           “Yeah what guy is gonna want to even look at me? No straight guy is ever gonna take me seriously, and once a gay guy finds out I’m like trans that will repulse them just like it would a straight guy.” Ray laughs a little, “You know I think it might be why Barb left me, because whenever we had sex it was always so pitiful. She never could understand why I always was so depressed afterward… hell even I didn’t even get it. No wonder why she thought it was something to do with her. God I’m so stupid.”

           Michael inched closer to him, his eyebrows knitted together when he heard his friend talk so lowly about themselves.

           “I am not repulsed by you.” Michael told him, and Ray couldn’t help but laugh even more so.

           “Think about what you are saying for a second.” Ray insisted.

           “I am. If you want to explore your sexuality as Valerie… you can use me.” Michael offered.

           “Woahwoahwoah.” Ray put his hands on Michael’s shoulder to push him back a little. “Michael I appreciate what you are trying to do here. But… we probably shouldn’t go down this road.”

           Michael looks down at where Ray placed his hands, “Why not? It doesn’t have to mean anything… It can just be like a trial… to see if you get anything out of it.”

           Ray felt his face heat up, “Oh my god you are being serious. Jesus Michael… I mean you are hot, but you like dudes… I know I look like one, but I don’t know about all this.”

           Michael leans against the back of his bed, hoping it would ease the tense look in Ray’s eyes.

           “Okay I’ll drop it. You wanna smoke some hookah or something?”

           “Wait hang on.” Ray slowly crawls over Michael. “What we do… nobody else has to know right?”

           “Right.” Michael confirms. He of all people knew how to keep an affair like this a secret.

           “And we can shut off the light?” Ray insisted.

           “Yeah.” Michael agreed.

           “We’re just friends helping each other out?” Ray added.

           “Y…yeah.” Michael felt his throat close up. Suddenly he was starting to have second thoughts, but he kept it to himself. He really meant it when he wanted to help Ray figure this out.

           “Okay, and you have a condom?” Ray asked, and Michael’s mouth hung open.

           “Wait what?” Michael blinked.

           “A condom. Do you have one?” Ray repeated, and Michael nodded. “Jesus yeah it’s in my top dresser drawer… You might have to dig for it…”

           Ray got up, and shuffled through Michael’s drawer… When the light went off, and he felt Ray in his lap again he placed his hands on his sides.

           “Have you ever topped?” Ray asked his breath bounced off the shell of Michael’s ear.

           “N-no…” Michael nearly whimpered. “When I asked if you wanted to experiment…. I thought we would like kiss, and maybe bone… but not…”

           “Is this too far then?” Ray asked.

           “Uh… n-no this is okay.” Michael agreed, when he felt Ray’s hands go up his shirt. Suddenly his best friend’s lips were on his own causing his skin to light up. His eyes fell closed, and he imagined little bright shocks of white and blue leave Ray’s finger tips as his skin seared to his… her touch.

           “I don’t want you to touch me at all except for what’s necessary to prep me… I mean in that area specifically.”

           Michael nods, but realizes it was basically pitch black so he clears his throat. “Okay… Anything else?”

           “Uh… not unless you have any restrictions?”

           “No… I’m free game.” Michael assured quietly, and their tongues clashed together again. It was strange how easy Michael found this to be. Feeling Ray’s hands explore his body, but allowed Michael to combat the direction of the kiss. He couldn’t help the little play bites, because each time he initiated one Ray’s fingers flexed against his abdomen in response.

           Being in the dark drove Michael’s anticipation through the roof. Every move Ray… Valerie… made was calculated.

           “Do you want me to call you Valerie from now on?” Michael wondered.

           “Uhh… I guess… We can talk about it later.” She responded. Michael was going to make an effort from this point forward to use she. Or maybe he should wait until after this was over… He could start then.

           At that moment, Michael felt the button to his pants go undone, and a hand palming at his pelvic bone. Michael leaned in to connect Ray in for another kiss. This time it was sloppier as Ray reached for the bulge hiding in his boxers.

           “Shit you are hard already?” Ray asked sounded intimidated.

           “Aren’t you?” Michael wondered.

           “Let’s not talk about that.”

           “Right sorry.” Michael immediately apologized, his breath hitching in his throat as Ray began stroking him.

           There was an offbeat assuredness behind it. Obviously an experienced hand, but Michael could tell there was a bit of uncertainty behind it.

           “That feels nice,” he decides to say, but instantly felt like a creep afterwards.

           “I’m going to put this condom on you now.” Ray responds, and Michael couldn’t help but smile. It was so like him to be so blunt. Again, Michael could tell he was more experienced with this, as Ray went through all the steps to lube him before sliding the condom on.

           He started to feel a little out of his element as he got used to the sensation.

           “Give me your hand… so I can put some on your fingers…” Ray instructs, and Michael listened. It was honestly lucky he had all of this. Michael feels Ray shift around a bit, and he waits patiently until he hears a low sigh.

           “Okay don’t go crazy… Just one finger at a time.”

           “This part I know how to do.” Michael assured, and Ray grabs him by the wrist so Michael could reach from behind.

           “I have everything else covered up, so just focus on this okay… please?”

           “Of course.” Michael assured, and slowly began to slip a finger inside of Ray. The instant submission threw Michael off as Ray hid his forehead in the crook of his neck. Michael had never been in this position before. He was used to his rough housing with Geoff, making this to be a definite role reversal.

           He curled his finger inside him a few times before adding a second. Ray’s hand went back to Michael’s hard on. He rubbed him distractedly as his breath quickened.

           Michael had to refrain from rolling up into his hand, god he just wanted to touch his friend everywhere. But no… this wasn’t about what he wanted. He had to respect the boundaries Ray had set.

           “I’m going to add a third finger… and you are really tight. Are you sure you want to keep going?”

           Ray nodded against his skin. “Michael can I tell you something?”

           Michael nodded, “yeah…”

           “I’ve sort of been in love with you since we were in middle school.” Ray admitted quietly, and Michael couldn’t help but feel his stomach drop.

           The word love definitely intimidated him. Sure, he always liked Ray… but always had viewed him as straight so he never thought about it too much. His level of emotion towards his best friend would be that he would totally fuck him if Ray wanted to explore his sexuality one day.

           “You have?” Michael asked.

           “It was one of those first signs I kind of realized that I didn’t feel right as a guy… Like I get being gay, but when I learned that’s what you were… I was disappointed? I felt like I would somehow be cheating if I showed that I had any sort of feelings towards you.”

           Michael felt his body break into a cold sweat as he sat there fingering his best friend. Fuck… Was Ray right in thinking that way?

           ‘This doesn’t have to mean anything…’ he reminded himself.

            “…I don’t feel like that’s cheating.” Michael responded, but to be honest he really was only trying to make Ray feel better about it. Michael really didn’t know.

           “Good,” Ray replied, and the sigh of relief against his neck nearly made Michael cringe. “You can go a little harder than that you know. I may be a girl, but you can use a little force. I can take it.”

           “Oh…” Michael quickly adjusted until Ray was pushing down into him, his back arching in for more.

           “A-ah that’s nice.” Ray spoke, his voice higher than Michael was used to.

           “You want more?” Michael toyed back, and when Ray nodded. The two of them worked together. Michael finding the rhythm to widening his fingers, and curling them when Ray pushed down against him. They kept going until the motion was slick, and Ray let out a long sigh.

           “Okay… I think I’m ready for…”

           Michael kept his fingers inside until his head was pressed against his inner thigh. Ray eased down on to him slowly, and Michael cradled his lower back to offer support.

           “I know you told me about the time you blew a dude at a party…” Ray brought up, “But I am glad I am your actual first…”

           Michael thrusts his hips upward at that, and hearing the noise that came from his friend only drove him to keep going. Soon he had flipped Ray down on to his back, holding his legs up in attempt to go in further.

           His cock was only able to fit half way down his base, and it was becoming frustrating. Ray’s body moved with Michael’s as he thrusted harder into his friend.

           “We need more lube…” Michael muttered, and blindly fished around for it, until Ray handed it to him.

           He pulls out slowly, and works his fingers in again. Except he was more impatient with it this time causing Ray to whimper beneath him. When Michael realigns himself he bends down to kiss Ray first before hooking his leg over his shoulder. Having his best friend bent in half, Michael pushed himself in pausing for a moment so Ray could savor this moment… like Geoff did for Michael… That moment when everything was still, and the only movement was just Geoff’s hand around Michael’s cock. God he wished he could do that for Ray, but he knew that would be a clear violation to the boundary that was set.

           But just hearing the whimpers and moans coming from Ray was enough for Michael. He was able to fuck his best friend, and ignore the impending consequences that were sure to follow. When it was over Michael pulled away, coming all over his own stomach, turning away from Ray like a gentleman would.

           But what he wasn’t expecting was the embrace Ray pulled him into afterwards. Luckily Michael had just wiped himself off in time, but Ray didn’t seem to care either way. His friend nuzzled his head into his sweat beaded chest gently.

           “You’re such a fucking asshole to everyone. You have such a tough exterior… But I know deep down how much you love and care, and you try not to be vulnerable. But I know how vulnerable you really are. I feel really lucky too, you know, that you show this side of yourself to me. It gives me courage to be myself… at least around you.” Ray kisses Michael’s jaw, and he felt his heart throb painfully at the confession.

           Michael returned the hug, and the two of them spent the rest of the night together Michael’s bed. He couldn’t help the sick feeling in his stomach. Did he lead Ray on somehow? Wasn’t he just an outlet for Ray to experiment?

           “I want to be that for you.” Michael assured quietly. As he gave him a final kiss good night Michael wraps his arms around his waist pulling Ray in close to his chest. “I always want you to be you.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I have been sitting on this chapter for months. I can't even assure you all when the next one will be out, but I am so thankful that I've still been getting comments excited for an update even after it has been so long. Thank you everyone who has been patiently waiting. I hope I finish this fic one day, for your sake, if not my own ^-^;

**Chapter 6:**

Michael made a mistake. He knew it the moment it was over. He should have known sleeping with his best friend meant something. Just because they both agreed it didn’t _have_ to… they both knew it did. For Ray, or Valerie, (they still hadn’t had time discuss that yet), it meant the two of them were closer. For Michael it meant he made a mistake. There was an ache in his chest whenever the two of them together. Even the texts he got from Ray made his stomach feel uneasy.

                -Hey sorry I haven’t texted you in a couple days… my mom still is keeping my phone hostage.-

                The text was from Ray. And yeah, since that night they saw each other at school, and they talked a little bit. To be honest, Michael has been lingering around school so he could have an excuse to not give Ray a ride home. Michael had lucked out in a sense that Ray’s mom had to take his phone away (upon request of his father). Apparently she didn’t want to. Michael wondered if this was just a temporary handback. Either way it was postponing a conversation they were bound to have soon, but Michael felt like he could wait forever.

                -It’s okay, as long as you are okay?-

                -Uhm… not really. I’ve been really shitty. My dad’s like calling home every hour he isn’t doing work while he’s out of town, and he’s talking about switching jobs so he can be home more often.-

                -Oh shit that sucks.-

                -I just really want to see you after school. Can you come over today… after my mom leaves for her night shift?-

                -Yeah. I will see you at ten then?-

                -Okay, I’ve got to go put my phone back where I found it before my mom wakes up.-  

                After letting out a low sigh, Michael looked up from his phone and his bedroom went out of focus. He reached for his glasses, and stretched out his muscles not ready to start his Friday morning just yet.

                When Michael finally pulled himself out of bed for the morning he went through his normal routine. A hot shower, nearly falling back asleep mid shampoo, and stepping out after towel drying to get dressed. He slapped a beanie on over his damp hair once he was dressed, and headed downstairs.     

                “Lindsay’s here?” Michael observed seeing the girl still in her pajamas as she munched on some cereal.

                “Mom let her stay here for the night.” Jason assured, and Michael shrugged.

                “She can stay forever for all I care. Keeps you out of my face.”

                “Haha love you too bro.”             

                Michael smirked, as Lindsay made a comment about their loving relationship.

                “You two fuckers gonna be ready in like fifteen minutes?”

                “Oh please! We’ve got at least another thirty with how late you come to pick me up some days.” Lindsay laughed, and Michael just rolled his eyes.

                “Whatever I got shit to do before class.”  By shit to do, he meant maybe sneak a quickie with Geoff, but he definitely left that detail out.

                “Yeah whatever. Coach’s not going to let you anywhere near the weight room.” Jason remarked.

                “Why the hell not? It’s open for everybody.” Michael muttered back.

                “Everyone who doesn’t get suspended from school, and manages to not get kicked off the team. You’re not really on his list of people he wants to see right now.”

                “And when did you become coach’s fuck buddy?”

                Jason raised his arms in defense, “Yo this all came from Aaron. Apparently coach is pissed that you are avoiding him.”

                “He’s the fucking one who kicked me off the team!”

                “No the school board kicked you off. It’s policy. Coach Patillo fucking fought for you.”

                Michael’s mouth hung open flabbergasted. “Why am I just hearing about this now?”

                “I dunno Aaron’s a fucking pussy, and thought you would rather hear it from me.”

                “I don’t have a problem with Aaron. We’re friends…” Michael said wrinkling his brow in confusion.

                “Yeah but you are also Ray’s friend. Arguably you two are fucking butt buddies. He thought you were gonna whoop his ass when he started dating Barb.”

                Michael’s eyes go wide at his brother’s remark.

                “I mean… fuck… that’s got nothing to do with me. Aaron really is a pussy.”

                Jason laughs at that, “Yeah maybe you should talk to him though. I’m sick of playing telephone.”

                Michael nods, “Alright, yeah. Thanks.”

                “Is Ray getting a ride from us?” Jason asked after he and Lindsay were finished getting ready.

                “Uh… I guess we’ll see. He’s usually just sitting there if he wants one.”

                “I don’t get why you don’t just text him.” Lindsay piped in.

                “He lives just next door, his ass knows where our car is.” Michael refutes. It was easier than explaining the truth at least.

                Sure enough Ray was there waiting when they stepped outside. Lindsay shrieked immediately when she got close enough.

                “Oh my god Ray you are wearing eyeliner! I love it!” she raises her hand to give him a high five, and he slaps her hand back meekly.

                “Ugh how did you do the wing tip so well? I’m like super jealous right now.”

                Ray muttered something about Michelle Phan, and Michael had to bite back his smart ass remark.

                “I brought you an extra beanie…” Michael says nodding to Ray’s hood that had been tightly tied, only a little bit of the hideous looking Mohawk was poking out.

                “Thank _God_.” Ray replied quickly snatching it to put it on instead of the ridiculous hoodie tightly framing his face.

                “What your dad did to you was really shitty.” Lindsay said sympathetically.

                “He’s an asshole.” Ray agreed chancing a glance over at him.     

                “I didn’t say anything.” Michael mouthed back as they got in the car.

 Out of a rare case of generosity Michael let his brother drive them all to school. Personally, Michael was still tired as hell, but he instantly realized his mistake when he felt Ray reach for his hand that was resting on the seat between them. Michael looked up at the front seat, but Lindsay was busy chatting away to notice. And Jason was focusing on driving for once. Michael then looked back at Ray who offered him a small smile. Figuring there was no harm in this, he gave his friend’s hand a little squeeze, and Ray returned the squeeze causing Michael’s heart to thump foolishly in his chest.

                When they finally arrived at school Michael walks with Ray over to his locker, since it was on the way towards Mr. Ramsey’s class anyway. “Hey I am going to swing by my English class for a minute. I’ll see you later.” He nudges Ray softly not sure if either of them were really okay with PDA at school, or if they were even official yet.

                Michael shakes away the thought when he enters Geoff’s classroom. He pauses in his tracks when he notices another student was chatting away with him about needing an extension on her paper. Michael internally sighed to himself. There was only about ten minutes left before he needed to run off to his first class period. And this bitch took up about eight of them. Long enough for the warning bell for those still poking around in the halls to hustle along.     

                “Ah Michael. You are not in my first hour class.” He says with a shit eating grin on his face.

                Michael steps forward, leaning over his desk. “I was trying to sneak one in with you before class starts, but I didn’t think you’d really be up for a threesome.”

                Geoff rolls his eyes, “Shut up.” He responds laughing.

                “Where the hell is your class anyway?” Michael wonders curiously.

                “We’re meeting in the computer lab.” Geoff answers. “Which I am about to be headed.”

                “Tell ‘em you got held up taking a serious shit.”

                “Michael. You better get going. I ain’t writing you a pass to your first hour.”

                “Are fucking joking?” Michael laughs.

                “Nope. Get outta here.” Geoff warns slinging a laptop bag over his shoulder, and gives Michael’s ass a playful smack as he shoo’s him out of his classroom.

                   --

               His next stop later that school day was Aaron Marquis’s locker.

              “Yo what the fuck man.” Michael greets pleasantly, knocking his fist into the locker next to Aaron’s.

              “Ah shit. C’mon man, don’t you know I feel bad enough about—”

              “Shut up I don’t give a fuck about you dating Barb. That’s Ray’s beef not mine. This about you talking to Jason instead of telling me directly about coach being pissed at me!”

              “Look I told Jason… because you have a fucking reputation for…” Aaron’s voice drifts off.

             “What are you fucking afraid of me?” Michael asks with a smug look.

             “That’s not really something to be proud of.”

              Michael grits his teeth, and ducks his head down. “Yeah well fuck. We’re cool then?”

               “Yeah Michael… We’re cool.”

                Michael nods and the two go their separate ways. He wasn’t quite ready to face Coach Patillo yet.  Though, he didn’t have much time to dwell on it because the bell for class to begin was ringing, and he just managed to make it into the classroom on time.

                “Ah just in the nick of time Mr. Jones!” his teacher Mr. Heyman called out. Michael did his best to hide his cringe as he took his seat. Normally, he would banter back with his Economic teacher, but he feared he was maybe sticking out a little too much lately in his teachers’ eyes.

                It didn’t seem to matter that he wanted to keep a low profile though, because once class was finally over Mr. Heyman had asked Michael to hang back.

                “Listen, Michael. Since you’ve been back you are still about a week and a half behind.” He told him. “Under school policy I am not supposed to give you any credit for the two weeks that you have missed.”

                Michael felt his breath hitch at that, “Yeah, I’ve fu—I’ve heard that a lot already actually.”

                Mr. Heyman nodded passively, “You were doing really well before the whole fiasco, so here’s what I am gonna do. If you can demonstrate to me you comprehend what you’ve missed out on, and can continue to do well. I will make sure you can get a B in this class. The way you were headed was almost a perfect 4.0.”

                “Yeah I know—”

                “Michael, why did you hit him?” he asked.

                Michael laughed, “You seem to be the only teacher to think I had a reason.”

                “Listen all of us teachers’ talk you know that. If you think that your coach and some others didn’t try and defend you… you definitely have the wrong impression of us teachers.”

                “The asshole called me a fag, alright? And I didn’t say anything because I am automatically the bad guy. I punched him. I broke his stupid nose. I don’t regret it.”

                Mr. Heyman nodded like he knew, “You were supposed to have a court date for it. Did you know that?”

                “Yeah, and why didn’t I?”

                “Some of the members on the other team heard what their teammate said. They knew what he did was wrong so they spoke up. They told their coach, and then their school contacted us…”

                Michael felt his hands ball up into tight fists. “What the hell did they want?”

                “They said they were willing to handle the issue privately if we did the same. That kid you punch got suspended too.”

                “Why the hell did nobody tell me?!” Michael shouted.

                “I wasn’t supposed to tell you Michael or your mother. The school wanted to keep it from you, because they didn’t want to encourage your actions…”

                “More like they didn’t fucking want me to make it a big deal! Didn’t want any negative attention!”

                “Well that’s how the world works, Michael.” Mr. Heyman said softly. “You have to pick your battles wisely.”

                Michael felt himself tense up, but he took a low breath. “Then what is the point of you even telling me this? Are you trying to piss me off?”

                Mr. Heyman laughed at that, “You don’t take good news very well, Michael.”

                --

                After giving everyone a ride home after school, Michael headed off to voice lessons. In which, the first ten minutes Gavin pointed out that something was wrong.

                “Michael you seem down.” He cooed sympathetically.

                “Yeah, I am not exactly having the best… day… week… month…months?” Michael retorted with an eye roll.

                “Well that’s no good!” Gavin insisted.

                “Don’t you think I’m just some loser teenager who dramatizes everything?” he asked cynically.

                “Of course I don’t think that Michael.”

                Michael sighed, “I’m sorry. Why don’t we just do those warm ups some more?”

                Gavin waves his hand, “We can get back to that. I want to know what’s getting you down. Maybe I can help!”

                Michael almost bit his tongue too hard when Gavin offering to help him. His mind wouldn’t even know where to begin. His life was a mess. A huge self-inflicted hell hole. He didn’t even deserve Gavin’s pity.

                “That’s okay Gavin. I am fine really…”

                Gavin pouts, “How can we be friends if you won’t tell me anything about yourself?”

                “Are we friends?” Michael laughed, “My mom pays you to give me voice lessons. I wouldn’t really constitute that a basis of a friendship.”

                “Oh… I suppose when you look at it that way…” Gavin’s voice trailed off, “You don’t think we can be friends anyway?”

                “Well it would have to be a two-way street wouldn’t it?” Michael responded. “If you want to hear about my problems then I would have to listen to yours. And friendship isn’t just about dumping problems on to each other. They like, hang out and stuff too…”

                “We could hang out!” Gavin squeaks, his voice rising in excitement. “After your lessons… if you aren’t in any rush!”

                Michael laughs not expecting such enthusiasm, “Yeah I guess… I guess we could hang out.”

                That was it then, Michael decided, he wasn’t going to fight this impossible force that had suddenly came into his life. If Gavin Free was so insistent on getting to know him, then fuck it. He would just let it happen.

 


End file.
